My Binary

(Posted by Nick, '11)
I live two lives. In fact, I think I live several different lives. I’m different people when I’m around different people. But these personalities fall into two overarching categories: home and school. I’m not more of myself in either one of these places… I just act differently.

At home, I’m not out, so that’s obviously one of the reasons I have a different personality there. At home, I’m a more muted version of my school self; I don’t think I’m as outrageous and outgoing at home, though I still do talk a lot. Even so, at home I feel I’m more introspective, definitely quieter, than I am at school. And it’s a welcome change of pace from the high-energy life that Vassar demands of me.

People always ask me, “Nick, isn’t it hard to go home and go back in the closet? To live a lie?” They’re always surprised when I tell them that I don’t feel I’m living a lie; that school and home are two separate personal spheres for me. I don’t have a boyfriend at home, so that part of my life doesn’t come up there, and I don’t see an immediate need to come out. Why rock the boat when it’s smooth sailing? Of course, the waters will become choppier once I do find a significant other at home. But until that time does come, I’m content with staying where I am.

Besides that, my house is a very desexualized zone. When I was dating my girlfriends (yes, I’ve had them), it was always an awkward environment to be in. My parents never really address sexuality at home; it’s a very taboo topic. Maybe it’s the Roman Catholic in them, maybe it’s because they’re just too scared to do so. I was never given “the talk” by my dad – that was done in 6th grade of elementary school with my school district’s Project Know program. I also have a 5-year-old sister, and of course my parents don’t want to ask about my sex life in front of the little kids (I also have 3 younger siblings). But they’ve never asked about the girls at school, ever. They don’t inquire into my personal life. And that’s just fine with me.

It helps keep the spheres apart.

Not just a phase....

Posted by Logan, '10One of the things we discussed at the first Fruit Salad of last semester was the myth that bisexuality doesn't actually exist, that it is a phase on the way to coming out as gay. Well, the APA has something to say about that:

check it out here

Real World Brooklyn

As you may or may not know, this season of Real World, set in Brooklyn, is the first to feature a cast member who is openly transgender. We find out within the first episode that KateLynn is a transwoman.

I have very mixed feelings about Real World and, until now, have not watched a season since the Hawaii cast turned the show into one big naked drunk fest. However, it is important to note that Real World has a history of being very progressive, especially with its portrayal of LGBT cast members. Almost every season of Real World has featured at least one gay or lesbian housemate. In some seasons, this caused drama. In others, it provided education about the queer community and undeniably led to greater acceptance of gay and lesbian people. The third season of Real World, which took place in San Francisco in 1994, featured Pedro - an openly gay AIDS activist who was living with AIDS at the time. Many argue that Pedro's appearance on Real World helped to put a friendly face to the disease and contributed greatly to getting young people involved in the fight against HIV/AIDS.

So KateLynn will no doubt help to bring trans issues to Real World's mainstream audience. But the question I can't answer yet is, will this be a good thing? It is unfair to expect KateLynn to speak on behalf of the entire transgender community; however, for many viewers, she will be the first trans person many people see and learn about. This has already sparked transphobic comments on many of the Real World blogs and comment pages. Beyond how KateLynn portrays herself as a transwoman, the reactions of her castmates will be very influential in mainstream society as well. After 3 episodes, she has officially come out to 3 of her 7 roommates, who have all been very accepting. There has been speculation and gossip behind her back from other roommates she has not come out to yet, but in my opinion this has made them look bad, not KateLynn.

Aside from KateLynn being transgender, this cast is being dubbed as the "gayest" cast yet. Rather than KateLynn being the "token" LGBT member, there is also J.D. who is openly gay and Sarah who does not label herself, but has only dated women until her current relationship, which is with a man. And then there is Chet, a mormon metrosexual who is often perceived as gay. There is speculation that Chet might come out as questioning by the end of the series, but so far he identifies as straight. I agree with many that people's sexual orientation and/or gender identity should not matter and be discussed as their defining characteristics. However, the influence of Real World cannot be ignored.

If you have not been watching the season so far, I recommend getting caught up on episodes here. I would love to hear your opinion about how queer issues are being handled this season -- please leave your thoughts in the comments section, or e-mail me (jusilverstein@vassar.edu) a full blog post to publish. I will revisit this topic at the end of the Real World season with a more indepth analysis of the queer aspects of the season.

Spring 2009 Updates

Drop-in Hours for Spring 2009:

Starting Monday, January 26, the LGBTQ center will be open during the following times:

Monday: 2-4pm
Wednesday: 10-4pm, 7-9pm
Friday: 12-6pm

During these hours, the LGBTQ Center will be open and we encourage visitors! Please feel free to come explore our resources, chat with the interns, use our computers, read a book/magazine, watch a movie, and much more! Food is allowed in the center with a "bring your own & clean up afterwords" policy. (However, alcoholic beverages are strictly prohibited)

These are the hours we will always be open, but there will be other random open times as well. Feel free to stop by if you are in the area in case we are open, or e-mail me at jusilverstein@vassar.edu to schedule an appointment. I hope to see you soon!

Library Update:
Over the winter break, our library books that were being stored in Blegen House were moved to a new location in Main Building. This will make our book borrowing system more efficient; however, we need some time to get the new library organized first. Until further notice, the only books we are able to loan out are the ones currently located in the LGBTQ Center (CC 235). Thank you for your patience during this process.

Art as Activism: HerStory

Tonight: Wednesday, January 21
7pm @ UpCDC

The Vassar First Year Presents the second annual
Art as Activism
Self. Society. Identity. Community
HerStory: 4 different women from 4 different backgrounds. 4 voices, and one story.

HerStory is a live performance about love, pain struggle, and triumph, spoken over poetry, melody and song, tear shed, and laughter.

With opening act by Raymon Azcona, '12
**$300 in raffle prizes for students!**
(must be present to win)

Check out a preview here:

Presidential Inauguration Viewing on Campus

I know many of you moved back to campus this past weekend - so welcome back everyone! The LGBTQ Center will not be officially open until next week (beginning Monday, January 26), but there are a couple of events before then that I encourage everyone to attend. Here is one of them going on tomorrow:

Campus Gathering and TV Viewing in Commemoration of Martin Luther King Day and the Presidential Inauguration of Barack Obama

Tuesday, January 20, 2009
11am-1pm @ Villard Room
Free Pizza and Soda will be served - All are invited!

Sponsored by the Africana Studies Program, Department of Political Science, Women's Studies Program, Office of Campus Life, Vassar College Democrats, African Students Union, Asian Students Alliance, and other campus organizations.

A Shot at Love...

Posted by Eva, '12Last year, my friend told me that he had officially found the worst show on television: A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila. I had heard a bit about it, but didn’t really know more beyond the basic premise: a bisexual woman on a dating show. So I got kind of bored over break and was watching TV online when I stumbled across this very same show. I decided to check it out, to see if it was as bad as my friend had said. And, because I get very easily addicted to terrible things, I soon had watched all of the first season.

Let me tell you. It is bad. Very bad. Imagine ‘The Bachelor” combined with “Jerry Springer” combined with every single stereotype of a bisexual women you can think of. Why is it so bad? It discredits bisexuals as people who need to figure out if they are into guys or into girls. Girls competed against girls and guys competed against guys, instead of people competing against people. It also totally played up the promiscuous stereotype.

But nothing in this show was as bad as the third season. By now they have gotten rid of Tila and changed the show around a little bit. What do we get? “A Double Shot at Love with the Ikki Twins.” Wow. Two bisexual blonde identical twins. Who are both “looking for love.” They do this by making out with EVERYONE (except each other). It is basically the stereotypical fantasy of a heterosexual man: make out with one blonde with large boobs and little clothing and then turn around and make out with her identical twin. If I thought that Tila was promiscuous and playing up that stereotype, these twins are even worse.

This show disgusted me from the first episode. The twins decided to play a trick on the contestants, but not revealing that there were two of them. They switch in and out, pretending to be the same girl. Finally one of the twins collects all of the contestants and says that she has a secret. She was born with “an extra part.” The way the editing played this up, combined with the comments of the contestants, it was made to seem like she was born with a penis. Of course, the viewers know what is going on, but the reaction that the contestants have, combined with the effect the producers want this to have on the viewers, is disgusting. I don’t know if they were poking fun at intersex people or trans people, but either way it was not cool.

It was so bad, but for some strange reason I kept on watching. I saw all 6 episodes that are currently on the MTV website. They have narrowed it down to 4 contestants, but I am still not sure if both twins are going to pick the same person, or they are each going to pick one of there own, or what they are going to do.

I guess one of the real problems that I have with this type of show is that it falls into the “furthering stereotypes” and “lesbians/bisexuals exist for the erotic pleasure of straight men” categories. I mean, seriously, can you imagine a bisexual man being given the same show. Real men kissing on tv? Never.

I dunno. I just feel like this is erasing any progress we may have made. I think back to the first Fruit Salad we did, on bisexuality, and this plays into everything that we discussed; being bi is a high school fad for girls (and now a pop hit thanks to Katy Perry), a bisexual just needs to figure out if they are into guys or into girls, I can keep on going on but I think you get my point... Oh yeah, one more thing. Everyone is drunk all of the time. Seriously. You hardly ever see them drinking anything but alcohol…

Watch this for a summary of the season:

"Faghag"

(posted by guest blogger, Emily)
I really despise when people call me a fag hag. It’s not what I am. I am a single, Jewish woman who likes dating straight Jewish men. I wish I could pick them up the way I can gay men.

I was walking to the subway one night after karaoke with my girlfriends. We had been in a Disney state of mind and were still singing. Walking along the platform we were belting “bright young women, sick of swimming” and as we sang “ready to stand” a guy in a three piece suit joined in. By the end of the song and subway ride, I had his card and an invitation to join him at a piano bar the next weekend.

This isn’t a newfound talent. I’ve had it all my life. I know picking a college should be based on education. I was ready for a fresh start. New friendships and definitely new men. One deciding factor when it came down to my final three choices was the male to female ratio. The school I chose had a greater male to female ratio. I thought that meant more men to date.

Not quite, I was collecting gay men everywhere I went. My parent’s jokingly called me a magnet. I met them at orientation, residence life activities, in the cafeteria. And I was happy. Making friends had never been this easy for me, but these were people I could call friends. Many of them I still do. I remember calls home to my mother. [They still sound like this sometimes.]

“Hey Mom, I was hanging out with a new guy today.”

“Jewish, single?”

“Well, not quite – he’s single and gay!”

It hasn’t been much different in the working world. I’ve had jobs at movie theatres, not-for-profit theatres, a fortune 500 company and a museum. Yes, majority of my jobs have been in the arts community. However, when I explain my knack to people [and my theory that men are gay until proven straight] they like to claim my background in the arts as the reason why.

I think it’s deeper than that. After years of analysis I’ve come to the conclusion that I share something in common with this population of men. An urge to fit in. My lifelong battle with self-esteem issues melts away when I have my gay male friends around. They love me for who I am and get me. I love them and am blessed to have such wonderful men in my life - but I want more. Someday I want to be a straight man’s wife.

Happy Holidays!

As final exams are finishing up, I would like to wish everyone a happy holiday season! I hope you travel home safely and are able to avoid the snow storm coming our way. Enjoy your well-deserved break, and I look forward to seeing everyone next semester.

This blog will be taking a break until the first week of January. After the new year, check back periodically for updates and posts over the break!

Reader's Comments

Earlier this month, I wrote a blog post referencing a NY Times article about a community of "men who consider themselves women" in Mexico who are called Muxes (pronounced moo-shays) and are accepted in their society as a third gender. This blogpost was found offensive to some, and for that I apologize. One person left a great comment about why this was offensive, and what her views are about genderqueer vs. transgender issues. I want to share this with everyone incase you missed the comment on the original post:

So according to the article, Muxes are considered "men who consider themselves women." That, quite literally, indicates that many Muxes are probably transwomen (some might be crossdressers), and also that they are not accepted as women. In other words, it's akin to calling a transwoman a "man in a dress" or calling a transman a "woman with a beard". This is what we call transphobia, or, to use a more specific term, "cissexism": The belief that transpeople have a less 'authentic' or 'real' gender than cispeople.

It's a pattern that seems to emerge mostly in countries or communities with no or little access to medical resources for transpeople: Transwomen don't pass well and (hence) are not accepted as women, and instead get grouped into a "third gender" category. Other comparable instances besides Muxes include Kathoeys in Thailand or Hijras in India; I'm sure there are plenty more. Of course, it is preferable for transwomen, who might otherwise be considered men, to be labeled a third gender. However, this shouldn't mislead us into thinking that what's going on there is anything else than plain cissexism.

To be honest, as an apolitical person, I'm not making it my problem if some communities somewhere don't get trans-acceptance right. However, what I do take issue with is the general pattern that this blog-post seems to be a part of:

People in the genderqueer/genderqueer-allied community seem to be fond of anything that supports the prevalent ('progressive') ideologies that (a) "gender and sex are independent" and (b) "there are more than two genders". Note that both ideologies can be highly threatening to transwomen (and I assume also transmen, but I don't know enough to speak for them). Feel free to talk to me in person for examples of why and where notion (a) can be harmful. Notion (b) can easily cause transpeople to be grouped into some "third-gender" category -- for instance, I suspect that the "male / female / transgender" checkboxes that I've seen on several surveys before are a result of badly-done (= miscommunicated) gender-spectrum advocacy.

This doesn't mean that the ideologies are wrong (well, (a) does need some qalification to be factually correct), but I'm politely asking to please consider the effects on transwomen when you push any of these things. I am not saying here that genderqueer people's interest necessarily conflict with transwomen's interests, but that people in the genderqueer community seem to have a tendency to not be mindful of transpeople's (or maybe just transwomen's) interests. In this particular case, I find it remarkable (and ironic) how a probable instance of transphobia gets relabeled as "transgender acceptance" (in the title), simply because it fits with the prevalent ideologies.

Study Hours at LGBTQ Center!

Finals week is upon us! We would like to offer the LGBTQ Center as an alternative study space since this is the busiest week of the semester in the library. Instead of our usual drop-in hours, here is our schedule for this week:

Monday, 12/15: 4-8pm
Tuesday, 12/16: 4-10pm
Wednesday, 12/17: 5-10pm
Thursday, 12/18: 4-8pm

Good luck to everyone!

"Bottom Monologues" Organizers Seek Men's Narratives

A new play being developed entitled Bottom Monologues will reflect diversity of gay, bi, trans, and queer men's lived experiences as bottoms.

The organizers of The Bottom Monologues invite gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer men to log-on to this website, where they can submit their stories to be used in the production of a groundbreaking play about –you guessed it -- bottoms. In the spirit of Eve Ensler's The Vagina Monologues, The Bottom Monologues will feature provocative and challenging stories from GBTQ men about sex, desire, identity, and the politics of men proudly proclaiming their desire to get fucked.

To bring the play to life, The Bottom Monologues is asking GBQT men from around the world to log-on to and submit their thoughts through an anonymous online questionnaire. "We're hoping to get stories from men who identity as top, bottom, versatile – or not at all. Any queer man who has something to say about bottoms is welcome and wanted,"says one of the project's organizers, Trevor Hoppe. Questions range from the basic ("So… what's a bottom?") to the more complex ("Are tops, bottoms, and versatile guys all that different?"). Guys who log-on can choose to respond to the questions as-is, or step outside the box and develop their own prompts.

The Bottom Monologues began at the recent 2008 Gay Men's Health Summit in Seattle, where the project's three organizers – Alex Garner, Trevor Hoppe, and Erik Libey – met for the first time. In Seattle, Garner organized a reading of the late Eric Rofes' screenplay, Test / Positive / Now, a beautiful collection of stories from gay men who have recently tested HIV-positive. The next day, Hoppe presented his research findings on bottom identity in a session title, "What Makes a Bottom?" During the Q&A, Garner commented that bringing the narratives described in Hoppe's research to the stage would be a much needed public proclamation of bottom desire – a topic typically seen as taboo even for many GBTQ men. With some encouragement from Libey after the summit wrapped, the project was born.

Once the stories are collected, the organizers will sift through the submissions to look for common themes, major differences, and particularly exciting stories. "We're basically going to take a few hundred submissions and distill them into a handful of composite characters," Hoppe says. "In this way, guys who log on and submit their story will have a direct hand in the stories well tell on stage." The deadline for submissions is March 31, 2009. Those interested can log on to the project website for more information about the project and to submit their story.

Organizer bios can be found here.

Yet Another Face of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell

(Posted by Eva, '12)

I read an article on 365gay today about Don't Ask Don't Tell (DADT) and the holidays.  The article discusses an aspect of DADT that isn't usually discussed: queer service members who have partners at home.  Not only are their partners unable to receive resources that the Army provides to opposite sex partners such as counseling and support groups, but also their communication with their partner is limited.  

The article describes one woman in the Navy who was unable to record a holiday message for her partner, even though all of her fellow comrades were.  She couldn't record one for fear of outing herself.  Another woman couldn't call her partner because calls off of Navy ships are monitored.  

While these situations arise all throughout the year, they become even more prevalent and even harder to deal with during the holidays.  Queer service members can't join in conversations about their significant others or if they do, they have to use gender-neutral pronouns or invent an opposite gender partner.  This makes it difficult for them to bond with other service members and create that camaraderie that some people ironically claim will be destroyed by having queer people serve openly in the military.  Just imagine trying to create a close bond with someone - close enough that you would trust them with you life - and not being able to mention the one person that means the most to you.

Point Foundation Offers Higher Education Scholarships for LGBT Students

The Point Foundation, a scholarship-granting organization for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender students of merit, has announced the opening of its 2009 application season.  Students who will be enrolled in undergraduate or graduate programs for the 2009-2010 school year are eligible to apply for the multi-year scholarships.

The scholarship program's selection criteria include academic excellence, leadership skills, community involvement, and financial need.  Particular attention is paid to students who have lost the financial support of their families and/or communities as a result of revealing their sexual orientation, gender identity, or gender expression.

On average, a Point Scholarship awards $13,200 in direct financial support, in addition to programmatic support in leadership training and mentoring.  The average amount of annual support devoted to each scholar is between $26,000 and $31,000.  Point Scholars agree to maintain a high level of academic performance and to give back to the LGBT community through the completion of an individual community service project each year.  In addition, scholars are matched with mentors from the professional world who lend their expertise and career guidance and serve as role models for scholars.

For further information and application guidelines, visit the foundation's website. 

**The above was taken directly from an e-mail I received from the Point Foundation.

A Day Without a Gay - One Man's Story

This article gives a personal account of what "A Day Without a Gay" means, and why it's important.

David mostly focuses on same-sex marriage rights, but don't forget about employment non-discrimination and bullying protections that are important as well!

A Day Without a Gay

Today, December 10, has been named "A Day Without a Gay" by many in the queer community. Queer people, and their allies, have been encouraged to go on strike by "calling in gay" - meaning not go to work or school and not contribute anything to the economy for the day. Instead, we should volunteer our time to helping others and our surrounding communities. The goal of this is to raise awareness about the LGBT workers, business owners, consumers, and taxpayers who contribute over $700 billion to the U.S. economy each year, yet are still treated as second class citizens when it comes to legal rights and protections. Being absent from our jobs/classes help to show what would be lost if were not here to begin with, and volunteering for the day helps to show the message is about love, not discrimination.

This day of activism was inspired by the film A Day Without A Mexican and the nationwide strike in 2006 called "A Day Without Immigrants" which were attempts by Latinos and other immigrants for equal rights and employment non-discrimination. December 10 was selected because it is International Human Rights Day.

Word was spread about this day largely via the internet. The official facebook group about it has over 9,000 members, and there have been countless e-mails about it. The official website is www.daywithoutagay.org, and from there you can search or post volunteer opportunities for various geographical areas.

For full disclosure, I must admit that I am at work today. Unfortunately, I heard about "calling in gay" after I had scheduled a couple important meetings for the day. Working on a college campus makes it difficult to rearrange my schedule during the last week of classes. Though, the objective for the day is to raise awareness about the issues presented above, so hopefully this blogpost will do so. And there's always next year...

Vassar is a Desert

(Posted by Nick, '11)
I'm going to admit it: I'm in a romantic rut. I haven't had any substantial hookups this semester, much less any kind of romantic relationship with anyone. I just find the whole concept of going up to some random guy on the dance floor at an event and making out with him, seducing him with my admittedly awkward dance "moves," unappealing. I want to feel EMOTION if I'm making out with someone - I want it to be with someone whom I know has likes and dislikes similar to mine, whom I know something would likely continue with after the first hookup.

Call me old-fashioned, but I want a relationship.

And I seriously chose the wrong school for that. The dating scape at Vassar is like a desert. You wander in it aimlessly for a while, and all of a sudden you get hungry or thirsty. You search and search, and you might find something that satisfies your immediate needs, like a leafy plant or a small iguana, but it doesn't last long. What you're looking for is something that you can find shelter in against the storm of life, something that will provide nourishment for a long time, like the leafy shade and never ending water of an oasis. The problem with Vassar is the oases are few and far between - you're more likely to encounter small lizards lying around.

Add that to the fact that there's a "gay elite" here at Vassar. It's not often talked about, nor is it generally called the "gay elite" but frankly that's what it seems like to me. They travel in a group, always hang out, and are completely undateable. Not to mention if you're not one of their close friends, you'll be lucky if they acknowledge your existence. My belief in the essential goodness and likeability of human beings makes me want to believe they're the cacti in the desert, things you'd rather avoid touching if at all possible, but if you do end up getting close to them and really find out what they are on the inside, they can provide the nourishment you seek. One can dream.

So I've given up on romance at Vassar, at least for the remainder of the semester. The end.
=P

LGBTV - Tonight!

LGBTV Presents the Last Movie of the Semester:

The Incredibly True Adventures of Two Girls in Love
TONIGHT - Wednesday, December 10

8pm @ LGBTQ Center (CC 235)A sweet story of two high school girls from opposite sides of the tracks who fall in love. Randy works at the gas station and lives with her lesbian aunt and her lover. Evie drives a Range Rover and is one of the most popular girls in school. When they fall in love, all hell breaks loose.

Iowa Supreme Court to Hear Oral Arguments in Gay Marriage Case

That's right, Iowa might be the next state to legalize gay marriage! Check out the Advocate article here.

Blegen House Update

As promised, I want to use this blog as a way to be transparent about the LGBTQ Center and Blegen House situation.

A decision was made recently that I would like to share with everyone - the LGBTQ Center will not be moving back to Blegen House. This was decided mostly because of the college's financial situation right now. Like most of America, we have been hit hard by this recession, and the college needs to cut back on many of the capital projects that were originally planned. The Blegen House upgrades to make the house wheelchair accessible is just one of those projects that was cut. Also - we have received much positive feedback from students about our current location. Being in the college center has made this a more convenient place for students to visit and attend programs.

So what will happen to the LGBTQ Center? As of now, we will remain where we are indefinitely. This is not a permanent solution for us, since we still have many materials that can not fit in CC 235 (especially our 1700+ book library collection). We will be using storage places accross campus for the time being, and will work towards a more permanent larger space that remains in a central location on campus. (This will probably happen once the bookstore moves out of the college center and many offices get moved around.) We will do our best to continue computer access to our library until we find our permanent location.

What will happen to Blegen House? Blegen House will go back to being a single-family residence for faculty, staff, or administrators of Vassar. Details are still being worked out for how quickly this will happen, but we will most likely be moving all our stuff out of there over winter break.

In general, I think this is great news! Most students seem very happy about our current location, and our attendance at events and the center in general has drastically improved since last year. Feel free to leave comments to let us know what you think about our current location!