"Faghag"

(posted by guest blogger, Emily)
I really despise when people call me a fag hag. It’s not what I am. I am a single, Jewish woman who likes dating straight Jewish men. I wish I could pick them up the way I can gay men.

I was walking to the subway one night after karaoke with my girlfriends. We had been in a Disney state of mind and were still singing. Walking along the platform we were belting “bright young women, sick of swimming” and as we sang “ready to stand” a guy in a three piece suit joined in. By the end of the song and subway ride, I had his card and an invitation to join him at a piano bar the next weekend.

This isn’t a newfound talent. I’ve had it all my life. I know picking a college should be based on education. I was ready for a fresh start. New friendships and definitely new men. One deciding factor when it came down to my final three choices was the male to female ratio. The school I chose had a greater male to female ratio. I thought that meant more men to date.

Not quite, I was collecting gay men everywhere I went. My parent’s jokingly called me a magnet. I met them at orientation, residence life activities, in the cafeteria. And I was happy. Making friends had never been this easy for me, but these were people I could call friends. Many of them I still do. I remember calls home to my mother. [They still sound like this sometimes.]

“Hey Mom, I was hanging out with a new guy today.”

“Jewish, single?”

“Well, not quite – he’s single and gay!”

It hasn’t been much different in the working world. I’ve had jobs at movie theatres, not-for-profit theatres, a fortune 500 company and a museum. Yes, majority of my jobs have been in the arts community. However, when I explain my knack to people [and my theory that men are gay until proven straight] they like to claim my background in the arts as the reason why.

I think it’s deeper than that. After years of analysis I’ve come to the conclusion that I share something in common with this population of men. An urge to fit in. My lifelong battle with self-esteem issues melts away when I have my gay male friends around. They love me for who I am and get me. I love them and am blessed to have such wonderful men in my life - but I want more. Someday I want to be a straight man’s wife.